The police report writes itself. 25 stories.
He allegedly walked Lego sets out of Walmart after flashing a receipt he had printed himself, store to store across Utah. His car held 63 Lego boxes, a stack of fake receipts, and the receipt maker that produced them.
Finding the doors locked at 4:30 a.m., he accelerated his Chevy Equinox through the pharmacy entrance of a closed Kroger to reach the restroom. The SUV came to rest beside the Halloween candy display.
Residents called police about an armored vehicle rolling into their cul-de-sac, only to learn it was a prop in an HBO series about neighbors who hate each other. The banner on the side read 'Make me move it.'
A woman picked her car up from a wheel alignment and drove home with a three-foot ball python wedged in the front grille. Animal control declined on the grounds that it only handles domesticated animals, so police took the bumper off.
He holds a permanent lifetime ban from every Walmart in the country, which is why $1,900 in electronics also came with a trespassing charge. Police put his running total across stores somewhere north of $100,000.
A driver declined to stop for the traffic stop, then declined to speed up, producing what the department is billing as possibly the slowest PIT maneuver in its history. The original offense was ignoring a traffic-control device.
A coyote wedged itself into the gap between two buildings in a Pittsburgh alley and could not reverse out. Crews had to open up the wall to get it loose.
Someone had been working through funeral homes across four states, and what he was after was the stretchers — over $12,000 of mortuary equipment from two Ozark parlors alone. A Florida man was arrested as the operator of the ring.
A Richmond doctor woke at 6 a.m. dreaming that a field mouse was crawling into her mouth, then found the dream was a bat and it was real. She folded its wings back with her bare hand; it later tested negative for rabies.
A bear wandered up to a Los Angeles home and was promptly run off by a coyote roughly a fifth its size. The footage settles nothing about the food chain.
Belton officers were dispatched to a lemur at large and described the suspect as fast, furry, and refusing to cooperate. He was detained and returned to his owner, because Texas lets you keep one of these.
A man stood outside a Lexington church quietly polishing a powder horn, and the police response escalated accordingly. In the town where the Revolution started, this is arguably just a hobby.